Wine Down Wednesday | Relationship Q&A

Let’s Blog Over Relationships…

I’ve been getting a lot of emails on relationship advice, and questions about my relationship in general. Everyone close to me knows that unless you’re in my inner circle, I’m usually private when it comes to my relationship matters. I don’t volunteer information, but if I’m asked a question I answer it. I’ve been told that I can be very direct, and brutally honest.

Last week on a #CoffeeTalk post I was asked a question about balancing families during the holidays. I responded with pick the one you like least and that can be the holiday you spend with his family. To clarify, I believe in equal time being spent between both families, but sometimes that’s not always the case due to certain situations. To my surprise I received A LOT of feedback about that. I went back and forth about even addressing the questions I’ve received, but after reading one particular email, I felt I should answer some questions.

P O U R S  W I N E. . .

The biggest argument in my household is about spending time with his family. They treat me terribly, and I have suffered 3 miscarriages because of it. I have no family, and have always wanted to be accepted. At this point, I don’t think I can physically deal with it. How should I deal with this?

Let me just say first that I am sorry for what you are going through, and I can relate 100%. I, too, have miscarried, and that feels like your heart being ripped out of your chest. It’s not something you get over. E V E R ! Like you, I blame his family. At the point of losing a baby, a decision was made. We chose us. If one can’t be respectful, they don’t come around. If one isn’t accepting of us both then they can’t be around. He can visit by himself, but it won’t be major occasions. That is reserved for U S. You have to put your well-being, relationship, and health first.

How would that work when marriage and children come along?

For me marriage is already there, but when kids come along they won’t know them. There would have to be a drastic change, but until then that’s what it is right now. It was a tough decision, but it’s one we came up with. We came to a decision that we only want a supportive, genuine, and just a good group of people around us, and any children we have. We have that, and we’ve worked hard to build a foundation based off love, friendship, and most importantly G O D. An unbreakable bond. We have targeted where the negativity comes in, and we avoid it. We realize people will feel how they feel, and say what they want to say regardless of knowing you or not. That’s their choice and there is really nothing you can do about that. However, people don’t think of the long run and how what they do in present time can really take a toll on future relationships.

I’m going through that situation, and my parents wonder why I’m never with my boyfriends family. In my situation it’s a racial thing. Should I tell them? Have you told yours and what is their reaction?

I have expressed my situation to my family and some close friends. I won’t go into detail about everything that was said, but it wasn’t very pretty. Overall I look at it as basically these are people who hate me, lie about me, curse me, write terrible things about me, and consistently gossip about me, and they don’t even know me. Never met, or have held a conversation with me. It’s been years, and we live together!! It was really hurtful at first for both of us. Especially for him. How could you not want to see anyone close to you happy? Now it’s just comical and really sad. It shows on their character.

I was invited to my fiancé’s house for Christmas. I don’t want to go reasons being the last time I was there the mother invited the ex. I’ve been made aware that it could be the same situation again. How would you handle that?

With violence… Just kidding… Sorta… Look… Boundaries have to be set. I’ve had a situation where my guy’s sister has sent other female photos to his phone with a message saying “She’s Cute.” His mother has said and done everything to get him to leave me including trying to convince him to leave me at the airport in another state. It didn’t happen, but that’s just me painting a picture. I would address that with him. He is going to have to set boundaries, and you have to figure out how much you’re willing to deal with.

Hi Riley! I’m one of your readers from Canada, and I was intrigued by your comment of splitting holidays. My boyfriend and I have been together a little over a year. We are splitting up our day for a family gathering this year, but it seems that every time we are to head over to visit with my family, he comes up with some excuse as to why he can’t. What are your thoughts on that?

Hi! Thanks for reading. Canada is so beautiful!!! I love it there, but it’s also too cold outside to date somebody that ain’t shit… Get what I’m saying??

Ralijah Nelson! I’ll be so happy if you respond to this. I need a womans point of view. Every single time me and my girl have a disagreement, she leaves, and ignores me. I know she reads my messages because I get a read receipt. How should I approach her to let her know that I don’t like that, and basically I’m tired of it. What should I say?

How about I’ma leave you in 2017 just like you left me on read. I bet she responds…

Riley! My boyfriends family think that he’s just my sugar daddy. It kind of offends me, but I don’t know how to address it without being disrespectful… 

Tell them the gender neutral term for sugar daddy is glucose guardian.  Jokes aside, people are going to say what they want to say… If you two know what it is, leave it at that. You can only keep defending yourself for so long.

Is marriage overrated? If you can’t be one with your relationships and family, is it worth it?

Well let me think… (looks at the sleeping person to the right)… No. It’s not overrated. It’s great with the right person. So definitely worth it.