“Discouragement Is The Cancer Of Great Things.”
Let’s Blog Over Motivation…
Since January I’ve felt like I’ve hit a wall. In regards to everything including writing, or creating I’ve just felt uninspired. I had nothing. I couldn’t even pull out my computer or journal without feeling like I had nothing. Crazy thing is I had so many emotions and so many things to say about everything, but the pain and hurt of what I was dealing with left me discouraged and completely broken.
Looking back I had so many amazing goals that I wanted to start off this new year with. I was also living such a blessed life. I had a husband who was not only my most cherished friend in the world, but my greatest love. I thought he was loyal to me and adored me. I realized otherwise. After a severe, very painful, and heartbreaking miscarriage, I found out shortly after I was pregnant again. Something I should have been over the moon about. Our rainbow baby. Me and Ralph’s love amplified. After almost a decade of being together starting a family this year was something Ralph and I really wanted, and was excited about. But – instead of it being celebratory for us, it became heartbreaking for me. Everything regarding my husband became a downward spiral of heartbreak and disappointments.
I have an enviable and incredible career. One I’ve worked so hard at, and what I’ve accomplished in my career at my age is nothing short of incredible to many in my field. It’s also something I gave up for the child that I’m carrying. For my well being. For my husband. Ralph and I discussed our family planning for years and I knew he was adamant that once I got pregnant or when I gave birth work was out the window. My priorities were going to be my family. At first I was not okay with that. I loved my career. The overall pressures of my work was not only something I enjoyed, but something I’d lose myself in. Then… my husband had been telling me to quit for awhile and focus again on my business and being a stay at home wife, but I loved it so much, and again I worked so hard. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t do both. In the end I chose my husband, our baby, and most importantly my life and health.
My friends and family are the greatest people anyone would want in their life. I’m huge on family as long as they’re not toxic, and my friendships. With what I was feeling though I just didn’t want to be around anyone. I didn’t want to see anyone. I got to a point where I wasn’t feeling anything. I wasn’t forcing anything. I was not myself.
I tried so hard not to throw a pity party for myself, but then it hit me. I was depressed. What doctors would call severely depressed and something I’ve never experienced before in my life. I remember telling my husband this and he recognizing it from his own personal experience with dealing with depression. I am someone who is always happy, positive, and smiling and laughing. Always. It was a big change for me to go through that period of feeling like I was drowning.
After talking with my therapist, and priest I came to an understanding that God was just having me reevaluate what was really important to me. What truly mattered. Trust me… it got to the point that I gave up and wanted to throw everything about my life away. I tear up just writing this.
In the midst of all of these emotions, I was slowly able to regain me back. On those days that I felt discouraged or down I’d fight my way back. Those quiet moments I had all to myself allowed me to strategize and plan what exactly it was God wanted me to do with my life and what I wanted to do with my life. My faith became stronger during these times, and God really spoke to me. He revealed to me that even when I may not see results at that very moment, seeds are being planted. Things are being rooted. My ideas, my goals. My consistency. Nothing was in vain.
For anyone feeling any of the things I felt – in those moments where you feel discouraged, or lack motivation, remember that in these seasons God is wanting you to learn something about yourself and him. Use those quiet moments to write out the vision you see for your life. Working in silence does not mean you aren’t doing what’s needing to be done. Don’t let your thoughts cause you to downplay your hard work and goals you have for yourself. Keep dreaming and remember the purpose God has placed on your life. He has huge things planned.
Are you willing to do the work and show up for yourself even when it’s hard? Are you willing to speak life and love over every situation. Encourage yourself even when you don’t feel like it. Be Light. Be Love. Be.